The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
