but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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