small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
