so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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