Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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