i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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