one two three fourrrrnication!
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
