Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
