My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
