I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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