Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
