did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
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