P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
