Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
