I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
