Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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