Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
