I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
