Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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