You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
