he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You need a sexual gate keeper
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize