yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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