Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
