i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
