You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
