I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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