I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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