I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
