I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
