Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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