My cat gives me a boner
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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