im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
