ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
