apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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