in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize