dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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