According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
