I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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