looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
