Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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