After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
where are my eyebrows?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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