If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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