I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
