So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
