So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
