ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
