just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
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No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
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Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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