You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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