Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
