dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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