How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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