He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I woke up under a house in Key West
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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