i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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