DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
