what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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