This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
