its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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