Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
