im six kinds of drunk right now
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
smell my finger.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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