Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I look better un-naked...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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