my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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