those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
