guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
